I wanted Abuse: Part 3 to be the last post I did on the abuse subject. I don’t want him and what he did to take up any more of my thoughts or space on my blog but I feel like I need to share this next post as it is a massive achievement and milestone in my life and one I never thought I’d get to.
One of the things I found the hardest was accepting the person I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with was actually someone completely different to who I thought they were. And that’s a hard pill to swallow. It took me everything to accept what he really was.
Basically when we split up over 2 years ago he gave me back everything I’d given him so I had a bin bag of all the presents and cards we’d bought each other. I threw this in my shed and haven’t been able to look at it since. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to look at it, I couldn’t even go in the shed because I didn’t want to see it.
I don’t know what happened but on Sunday night, it just clicked. I knew I had to get rid of it. I finally felt ready. It might’ve taken me longer than most people but my relationship wasn’t like most peoples. After all, we’re all individual and these things will be different for each person and we have to do things in our own time.
As I mentioned earlier, it took me everything to accept what he was really like and looking through all of our stuff meant looking at things that would remind me of the good times and who I thought he was when I’ve tried so hard to forget the good times. Because they weren’t real, they were based on a lie. It’s still so hard to think that this person who wrote me lovely things and promised me the world was the same person who completely broke me and treated me so bad. But I knew it had to be done.
So Tuesday night Mom, Dad and I went through all the things in the bag and burnt everything. I was going to just throw it away but I didn’t feel like that would be enough. There was something more final about burning it. I always dreaded the day when I’d have to look at it all again so I decided I wanted to make it a happy occasion. And it was. We then toasted my achievement with a glass of champagne. It gave me a sense of closure and like I can now finally start the next chapter of my life.