Have you ever been sat at work or anywhere in fact and just felt like crying? Just out the blue it hits you.
I’m sure we’ve all been there, well for me it’s happened a lot more than on one occasion.
I was at work the other day and the smallest thing set me off. After years of practice, I’ve now become very good at hiding my emotions, but it seems the thought of a photographer coming in to the office was just too much for me to handle.
I say that but we all know little things like this are a result of a build-up of other issues. To other people (my boss in this case) it must seem like I’m the biggest drama queen to cry over such a small thing. On top of that you’d think with so many sites like Instagram now most people would love to have a photographer take pictures of them so what exactly caused me to have a meltdown and embarrass both myself and my boss.
Let me break this down so you don’t also think I’m a complete drama queen. It was Monday morning, not bad enough to cause most people to cry but you never know when that Monday feeling hits it might just be enough. Anyway I’d had a really good weekend and I went to bed Sunday night feeling really positive and motivated.
Well I don’t know what happened in the 8 hours that followed but I woke up feeling so down. I actually find this happens a lot when I go to bed feeling positive, I usually wake up the next day feeling worse than usual.
I call these my conscious days. We all have days when we have about 5 wardrobe changes before we’re eventually so late we have to go back to the first option and make do but today I knew the feeling was different. I felt so conscious that I could’ve had a makeup artist, hair stylist and personal shopper get me ready and I still wouldn’t have felt good about myself.
I was driving to work on the Monday morning and I don’t know why but it’s always when I’m driving that I start to feel like crying. Maybe it’s because I’m on my own so no longer feel like I have to put on a front and instead I’m just left with my own thoughts.
I thought the photographer was coming in on the Tuesday so I told myself I’d tan and plan my outfit that evening so I would feel slightly more prepared to have my picture in the business magazine where the article was going to be published. So when I got to work and realised he was actually coming in that day, my conscious feelings went from a 10 to a million and you know how it is when the overthinking/negative thoughts take over and all you can think about is how everyone in the world will see this article and will be judging you and saying horrible things. It was only a local magazine but in my head I’d catastrophized the situation so it was going viral and everyone would see me.
So after going through every scenario in my head, including leaving work and making up the excuse that I was ill, it finally all became too much. I’d been in the office on my own up until that point but it was when my boss walked in and was just about to bite into his croissant that I finally cracked and broke down in tears.
In the end I decided honesty is the best policy and at the risk of him thinking I was being completely melodramatic I told him I was having a conscious day and the thought of being pictured for the magazine was making me feel physically sick. Luckily he completely understood and when the photographer arrived he made sure I wasn’t in any of the pictures and made a joke about there being more room for pictures of him now.
The point I’m trying to make is it’s so strange how we can make such small things into the worst things in the world and it’s all down to letting our thoughts control our emotions.
In most cases, just like this one, all it takes is for you to tell someone how you’re feeling and they can completely change your thoughts and your day. They can help you think about the situation rationally and break it down so it doesn’t sound as bad as it does in your head.
Most things we worry about are easily sorted and although I probably would’ve cried over something else that day just because of how I was feeling at the time, the fact that I spoke to someone who helped me put perspective on the situation really helped.
Sometimes all we need is a good cry. Something which I need to learn rather than bottling it all up and taking on every problem myself and then exploding on an unsuspecting victim.
It’s took me a long time to realise that it’s ok to have down days and the best way to deal with it is to not put on a front, let people in and tell them the truth. When I feel like this now I will just say to my Mom or whoever I’m with at the time, I feel sad, I’m not sure why but I do. This has helped so much, just saying it out loud and accepting the feeling is actually like a weight being lifted. You don’t even need to go into detail or have a reason for why you feel the way you do but you’re aware of it and you’re making other people aware so they don’t just think you’re in a mood or even worse being a spoilt brat. So it’s better all round.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who cries over the smallest of things?